My "friend" Transition...

I've always been one that has needed extended time adjusting to big transitions.  I thought this was just something that came about in my adult life, but after talking to my mom recently, I learned that even as a child I didn't do well with change.

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Usually when God is preparing me for something big, I usually (but not always) get at least a 6-month adjustment period to merely become okay with the idea.  [Yeah, I get babied in some areas, but He knows what we all need.]  The preparation needed for me to move out to Redding, California took a few years.  It took my a couple years to work myself up enough to apply to BSSM.  Then the drama of finally applying, getting accepted, then planning to move across the country.  Don't get me wrong, I was totally excited and splurged on cupcakes during my church's yearly fast (shhhh.... don't tell).  But then came the HOW and WHAT IF questions.  I'm sure we all have experienced those at some point in our lives.  I admittedly had a few anxiety attacks, but was totally blessed to have friends and family to calm me down with words or affection during those moments (thanks guys).

So, as I write, I'm adjusting to my most recent transition of moving back to the east coast and processing the past 8-9 months of my transformational adventure in CA.  Transition is a constant enemy (err... uhhh... friend) to us all.  I'm trying to make him a friend and shorten my adjustment period to his interruptions in my type-A, loving-to-plan-my-life personality.  I know for me, it relates to my need to feel in control, even if it's just an illusion. Event the most mature person can only control himself/herself.  But if you really think about it, that is power.  It's power to choose my attitude, how I love others, if I love others, and make decisions.  I am powerful, though I'm not in total control of my world.

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It's been lovely to be back with family, friends, and coworkers.  People we love are meant to be irreplaceable.  I was able to return to my previous job and begin working quite quickly.  However, Carmax was blessed with my beloved Nissan Cube before I left for Cali, so upon my return to MD, I was super dependent on others for transportation, even to go to work.  Ironic, eh?  Little Miss Control Freak needs others to leave the house, work and have a social life.  It's all good.  People were super kind and generous in my state of being "transportationally" challenged. I truly know the best people on earth.

Though I have returned to many people I love and missed, it's still been difficult adjusting.  My  journey at Bethel and the amazing people I got to do life with composed a dream of mine that was finally realized.  I learned that I wasn't crazy, and that the desires, dreams, and relationships in my heart were possible.  It had incredibly high points with equally scary low points.  I learned so much about my personal identity and about the nature of God.  I know the way it happened was just what I needed, even though it wasn't what I expected.  Sometimes wrong expectations can lead to the greatest disappointments.  In those moments, I learned from a good friend (my British roommate, Anna <3) to hold on to the truth that God is good and kind.  It built a rock in me.  That is where I go when I know nothing else.  It's what I hold onto when nothing makes sense or everything seems contrary to the incredibly good nature of God.

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One of the other things I cling to during these uncertain times of transition is the truth taught by senior leader of Bethel Church and BSSM, Bill Johnson, is that God prepares us for where we're going.  You have all you need right now for what you're facing.  He often speaks to us about where we're going or what we'll face, even if we're unaware at the time of His counsel.  Maybe the answer isn't in what He said to you, but it's in the people He's placed around you.  There are so many avenues from which our answers come.  I've learned that sometimes my answer isn't what I expected.  It may come in the revelation or confirmation of His good nature.  The danger comes when we're tempted to believe that we're helpless or stuck.

So if your life is being interrupted by Transition currently, I would encourage you to make him your friend.  Instead of dragging your feet in fear of the adjustment being required of you, consider embracing him with the thought that something really good is about to happen. Don't shut out the people that love you. My really good friend, Kasey, who isn't a believer, really encouraged me the other day by asking me if I really thought God viewed me negatively.  It was one of those vulnerable talks that I love having because I need authenticity. I am blessed to have some really safe, loving people around me and who don't often agree with me theologically. This goes against the core values of quite a few Christians who only have Christian friends.  I would dare say, you're cutting yourself off from some amazing relationships.  Use your own judgment.  Ask Holy Spirit.  I'm nobody's god.  I just try my best to represent Him well.  "Sinners" loved Jesus.  It was the religious leaders of his time that were most offended by Him.

There were multiple rabbit trails in that last paragraph that I won't apologize for.  Remember, where you are right now is full of possibility.  Your Answer is close by.  You can control yourself and that's real power.  Decide what you're going to do... and don't forget to love well.