God can use... me??!!!

I think everyone at some point wonders if God will actually use him or her.  I mean, we're talking great God of the universe choosing to use us personally to show off how awesome He is through us.  Through me, even.  We can all say it.  The "me" makes it personal.  It is something I think about.  And then He reminds me of things He's already done that I didn't think would ever happen, like my first mission trip to India (yep... we're going there).

So, let me back up by saying, I'm no one special.  Okay... okay.  To a good father, any child of his is special.  I'm talking in general.  I was born into a "middle-class" family.  My parents divorced when I was young.  I got saved in college and thus began my journey in Christianity.  After a couple of years of attending a good, Bible-teaching church and just living life, I began hungering for more.  The more I couldn't really name or put my finger on exactly.  I just knew there had to be more of God to be seen and experienced in my life.

My friends were hungry, too.  So three of us started meeting after Bible study to seek God's face.  We would fellowship, talk about God, and pray.  We were consistent, and our group grew and changed.  Better than our consistency, was God's.  He would teach us through one another, sharing revelation with us that we would share with the group.  It was good.  There were challenges that we faced.  I think anything that starts good in God will have to face the temptation of becoming religious.  If you're not following what God is doing presently, it's easy to base your game plan on what He's already done.  This isn't necessarily bad if it's still what He's doing or telling you to do.  But it can hinder you and others if it's not what He's currently,actively doing.  He stewards us well.  He also gives us things to steward.  It's important to let Him train our spirits to know what He's doing and to run with Him.  Anyway, we faced the challenge of doing things the same way every time because frankly, He stopped doing things the same way.  We didn't immediately spot our religiousness, and it wasn't intentional.  But we were hungry enough that we kept seeking His face.  It's a good place to be hungry for Jesus, where nothing but He, Himself, satisfies.

So after about 15 months of this prayer group which had now grown to 11-12, in a seemingly strange twist of fate which could only be God's divine on-time arrangement, we got an invitation to India.  This would be my first mission trip, first time leaving the country, and first time experiencing something obviously bigger than myself.  I was scared and filled with doubt.  Why us?  Why me?  Being consistent in a prayer group and having a hunger for God didn't seem to be good enough qualifications for this kind of trip.  As we went through the motions of getting everything in order like passports, visas, etc., it became more and more real that this was actually going to happen.  All except, nobody knew how we were really going to pay for our plane tickets.  We didn't let that stop us from taking care of what we could afford to this point.  But God in His grace, put favor in the hearts of some good people to cover our airfare!!  It was official.  India, here we come.

Photo courtesy of Pinterest

Twelve of us went to India in April 2010.  I had only been saved since April 2003.  I was one of the youngest in the Lord of our group.  I still felt (and feel) like I had so much to learn.  Our point of contact was an Indian pastor named Bishop Jacob.  His testimony alone could bring anyone to tears.  He was diagnosed with a fatal disease as a young boy.  The doctors sentenced him to death, telling his parents to take him home to die.  On their journey back home, they heard of some Christian missionaries in a certain, nearby village.  They prayed for him, and that evening, he had a personal visit from Jesus Himself.  Jesus healed him and gave him a new name (Jacob).  Subsequently, he and his entire family gave their lives to Jesus.  In India, being a Christian demotes you to the lowest point on the caste system.  You are pretty much sentenced to being exiled.  And they didn't care.  After knowing what the Lord had done, they couldn't turn back.  He and his family sacrificed daily to follow Jesus.  Since their decision, this man has faced persecution and has been abducted by militant men with his life threatened many times.  It's amazing what people do and sacrifice to follow the Lord.

Bishop Jacob and his wife Elizabeth. Picture taken by Ashley Wilson.

For about 10 days, we were in India.  We went to many villages and would be featured guests in services usually held at mud hut churches.  We danced, sang, taught, and prayed with the people.  In every meeting, the people filled the building and spilled onto the outside porches.  Many would travel miles to see us, the "special" visitors.  We met awesome children, whose natural parents were dead, but they had been taken into the care of Bishop Jacob and his staff.  He has hundreds of children that he clothes, feeds and teaches, for the purposes of giving them a livelihood as adults.  Human trafficking is real issue in India.  Without education, a desired skill set, parents, etc., kids have zero chance of survival in some areas.  We also faced spiritual warfare and had very real threats from militant hostiles in the area.  For me, it became very real, as we drove through random checkpoints, where people carried machine guns.  I wasn't ready to die for Christ then.  I was scared.  Some of people of the group were laughing and singing in this face of fear.  I, however, was praying.  Miraculously, the two vans we were traveling in were not stopped and we drove away unharmed. *praise break*

5 of the 12 at the first leper colony. Photography by Ashley Wilson.

I learned a lot about myself in India.  I learned that I hate heat.  During the days, we faced 120+ degrees of heat.  The mission bases were equipped with fans and windows, but no air conditioning.  The electricity was pretty inconsistent, so your fan wasn't guaranteed to work.  If you were asleep when the fans cut off, you would quickly wake up as every pore of your body began to sweat.  I learned I wasn't secure in my identity in Christ.  I doubted much of what I thought He said I was called to do because of my lack of confidence in this place.  Some of the people I traveled with seemed to thoroughly enjoy most of the happenings of our adventures.  Some were moving in the prophetic and spiritual gifts while my Jesus was quiet.  And while I was honored to meet these awesome people, who had such a hot, passionate hunger for the real Jesus, I was out of my element in so many ways.  Talk about uncomfortable.

I don't want to paint an ugly picture of India.  The people there are utterly beautiful.  I wouldn't trade any of those experiences for anything.  What I valued the most was the hunger in those people. He is the Desire of the nations.  During one of the last days in India, we attended a pastors' conference.  Those men danced for hours, unaffected by the heat, in praise to God.  These men face persecution every day.  They could be killed for their faith.  Their families could be ravaged and killed, too.  But the honor of knowing Him is far too great for them to let go in the faces of danger and death.

Now, looking back, I know that trip probably changed me more than the people I touched there.  I know that being a Christian is NOT about going to church a couple times a week, singing songs, and going home.  It's about knowing a living God, who is doing things ALL around the world.  It's about letting the personal relationship I have with Jesus fill me up and change me with His love.  Then I live in response to His love.  This changes everything.

So you think God can't use you?  If you're hungry, He can. If you're not hungry, ask Him to give you a holy hunger that cannot be satisfied until your chewing on the Bread of Life and giving it to the starving others you encounter.  But really, He can use a rock if He wants to.  He can use an unbeliever.  Nothing is impossible with God.  He just wants to show you that there's hope even in you.
  

Leslie and I praying for a child.  Picture courtesy of Ashley Wilson.

Check out Bishop Jabob's website: http://www.gtsss.org/

The God Who breaks the mold

It's been a long time... shouldn't of left you without... some words to think about.  I think I spotted some old Aaliyah fans in that opener.  Gotcha.

Anyway, sorry that it's been awhile folks.  Sometimes, during certain seasons, the best way to be is quiet and hidden.  It's important to know where you are in the process or the "seasons" of God.  Naturally speaking, we have four seasons, and we typically know what to expect during them.  Even then, there's still the unseasonably warm or cold day despite the season encasing us.  Thankfully, Holy Spirit makes us aware of where we are, and if we don't know, He's always there to ask.

So personally, God has been breaking some religious molds in my thinking that I didn't necessarily know were there until this confrontation.  Everybody has a different story unique to him or her.  I didn't grow up in church.  But, I prayed.  I believed in God, but really had no knowledge of Him.  I knew He was there, but He was pretty busy, and hopefully He heard my prayers.  It wasn't until college that He knocked on the door of my heart and I let Him in.  Since then, it's been an adventure... and still is.

When I was young in the Lord, I had such a hunger to know Him.  Personally, my truth gauge wasn't super accurate then.  There were foundational truths that were laid in me that weren't entirely pure.  I didn't know it then, but those things would be confronted in order for me to grow in my relationship with God.

It's important to learn the lessons God is teaching you in the season you're in.  My lessons probably aren't your lessons, or they might be learned in a different time.  But God is so good that we can glean off of one another's experiences and the wisdom we gained from God.  And no matter what He's saying to you, it's vital that we understand the interpretation.  Sometimes when God talks to me, I think I know what He means by what He says, but often, I don't.  I've found that His words to me are often leading me deeper into His heart.  For me, my answer isn't always on the surface. This makes sense to me because I'm learning Him to be the God of relationship.  Rolland Baker, an awesome missionary in Mozambique, writes, "God actually designs and creates our relationship with Him, and that is to the ultimate product of His creativity, which is designed to satisfy, first of all, Himself" (Wilson, 82).  He later writes, "He has reasons for what He does and doesn't do.  I think relationship is His primary object, not just amazing people with magic tricks or providing whatever it is they want unless His priorities stand" (Wilson, 84).  We were made for Him and made for relationship.

God doesn't lock Himself in to be the same God to you as He does to someone else.  Your relationship with Him is completely unique to who you are and who He is.  The combination you two make together, is a totally new combination than anyone else's relationship with Him.  This emphasizes the need for you to know Him for yourself and realize the greater truth lies in what God is saying to you or doing in you.  A dear friend of mine, Eve, encouraged me once by saying, "No other person's encounter should be greater than the one you had with God yourself.  There's no faith in finding the greatness of another person's encounter and belittling your own."  There still needs to be an honor for people, as not to belittle or disrespect their process.  But there also needs to be an appreciation for what He's doing in your own personal life.

So, while I was somewhat vague in the mold I had of God, the take-home message today is: if there are cracks of impurity in your foundational truths, let God be the Construction worker that fixes it.  Don't let negative life experiences or circumstances cement your theology.  Your view of God is not meant to be confined to a box your made, but to expand into the vastness of His goodness.