I'm currently in one of the biggest transitions of my life. In about a month's time, I'll be moving across the US to attend a school of ministry. It has the potential to be a three-year life investment. Unlike some people, I've never done anything like this before. I've never been without the comfort of a family member in the same state. And most people don't have a twin they leave behind either. I guess most adults are totally comfortable leaving their family and starting a new life. For me, it causes a flood of sadness to rush in unless I think about why I'm leaving.
For years, I've felt a pull, with really no clear direction to go in. It was just this unsettling feeling that there has to be more - more to life, more to Jesus, and more to my life. It produced an overall frustration with life and discontentment with where I was because I didn't know what to do. I attended church regularly and heard good messages, but there was something inside me just stirring and aggravating. I soon let it develop into bitterness (don't do that). I would only get releases during times of witnessing (loving people without agenda) or talking to friends that had proven to be true safe places for me. I've learned that I can't share truly deep heart processes with just anybody.
When I think about where I am now, 4 weeks away from the biggest move of my life at the ripe age of 30, I know that God is a Master Strategist. I don't know this entirely from experience, but I have seen it in other people's lives and choose to believe I'll be blown away by what He'll do in mine. Don't get me wrong. I've seen my share of awesome things by the hands of the Almighty. He's pretty cool like that. He wants witnesses so everyone can be told He's loving and good. Good news spreads like wildfire. And when people hear it, they can start to ask questions and become more open to the idea of a good God. Too many think He's judgmental and unhappy with people in general. But that's for another time, I suppose. Man, I got side-tracked. Anyway, He orchestrates lives more efficiently than Bach wrote symphonies. He makes our lives sing because of the beauty He can bring forth from pain, nonsense, and tragedy. As I transition onward, I know this pain and loss I feel will only be transformed into something great.
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For years at church, I've heard about sacrifices and offerings to the Lord. It mostly was spoken of in terms of finances and submitting spiritual or natural gifts to serving the church body. These things are good and true, but nothing has spoken to me of sacrifices as much as this current situation. There are many people and relationships I've formed over these 30+ years that I hold very dear to me. The majority of them are in-state connections. I love these people and care about them deeply. To think of leaving ALL of them rips my heart apart. But it is here, in this place of a broken heart, that I know the Lord is near. Frankly, He's always near. But in these moments of utter sadness, I am reminded of and fueled by my own personal need to know this God who is transforming my heart and calling me out of my comfort zone. It reminds me of a verse in Psalm 34, "The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart (NKJ)..." Do you guys know the story of the woman who broke the jar of costly perfume over Jesus? It was said to be worth a year of wages in some accounts/translations. People despised her for not doing something more important with that money, like giving it to the poor, for example (see account in Luke 7). I don't know that I feel like the woman who did that, but I do feel like the jar that was broken for Him.
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No one can make a sacrifice in your stead. If you love someone or something, you make sacrifices for him, her or it. You do it because the value you've given that person or thing is more costly than any inconvenience.
I would encourage anyone reading this to never devalue what you have to give or offer God. He delights in your love, attention, and enjoyment of life among many other things. If you're in a situation of extreme discomfort and/or sacrifice, take heart. What you're offering the Lord is so valuable to Him, and it's changing you. We're all destined to do great things because we are great people. We are great because God is great and loves us.
Please pray for me and the world. God is doing big things and they always start inside of small people.
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